Category Archives: Humor

6,000 Words

Since it’s Sunday for most of my loyal fans, here’s a little lighter fare for your weekend enjoyment: 6 pics from Auckland that, I hope, will produce the same sense of wry amusement within you that they did within me.

First, I knew it was going to be a good trip from the first morning, when I saw the following posted over a toilet in the men’s room:

Potty Guidance

Helpful instructions, however, were not to be limited to those benefiting the cleaning staff. They also extend to your personal safety:

Stair Safety

Some of what I saw, however, caused me great concern. For instance, if I were your ancestor, I’m not entirely sure I would consider this visage to be an honoring remembrance:

Honored Ancestor

On the other hand, this god was clearly known for his extraordinary… um… “gift”… and is no doubt proud of the statue in his honor.

Serious Game

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words because it captures a few dozen words that are, themselves, more telling than they know. Not only does alcohol, it seems, have tremendous purchasing power. It appears to have gone to the head of this sign’s would-be editor:

Gin fro (sic) Guns

Finally, there is now a definitive answer for all those inquisitive children of ours who ask the big question that inevitably flusters the unsuspecting parent. “Papa, where do babies come from?” Funny you should ask…

Where Babies Come From!

Absence of Exegetical Prejudice?

From Church Dogmatics 1.2, §19:

There is a notion that complete impartiality is the most fitting and indeed the normal disposition for true exegesis, because it guarantees a complete absence of prejudice. For a short time, around 1910, this idea threatened to achieve almost canonical status in Protestant theology. But now we can quite calmly describe it as merely comical.

I laughed. I cried. That was brilliant, brother Karl!

Of course, Barth also maintains that biblical hermeneutics set the stage for all human communication. I wonder if he’d be willing to say that “objectivity” is a false goal when speaking and listening to our fellow non-scripture-writing humans as well?

Glory!

The giveaway contest for Mark Scandrette’s Practicing the Way of Jesus was intense.

I laughed.

I cried.

More than one of you promised to dismiss, expose, not read, or otherwise ensure that Scandrette’s purposes in writing would not be fulfilled. Of course, it was from such a pool that the winner had to be chosen. That’s just how the world works.

In the end, it was regional stereotyping and the promise of a functional, material usage of the book that won the day.

Bryan Walker said:

I need this book! I am a functional illiterate in Tennessee, and one leg of my picnic table is too short. If I had this book, then all of our round foods would stay on the table.

Congratulations, Bryan! The book is yours!

Tools in Hand, No Skill Required!

I want to tell you a little bit about how awesome I am. I’m usually not this direct, though many of you have suspected that this is how I see myself. Here are a few more things about my awesomeness you should know:

I have a circular saw. This means, of course, that I can build anything I want to. I can sit down and lay out plans for a tree house, buy the wood, fit the joints, and make the whole thing level, safe, and sturdy.

I have a baseball bat. This means, of course, that at any given moment I could jump onto the local softball team and become their ringer. Every time I step up to the plate I can get on base, and I usually get a hit. I have a bat, after all.

I also have an encyclopedia at my fingertips. This means, of course, that I know a little bit about almost everything in the world. I know about all the presidents, all the countries, and all the bacteria that cause diseases.

I also have a smart phone. This means, of course, that anytime I wanted to I could create a spaceship to put people on the moon. My EVO4G is more powerful than any mainframe they had way back in the ’60s. I’m amazing. I have power untold at my fingertips.

I also have access to Accordance and Bibleworks. This means, of course, that I know everything I need to know about the Greek language. I can translate and parse and investigate what words really mean. I can preach from the Greek and Hebrew. And I can probably write a grammar.

I’m so awesome because I have awesome tools. And once you have tools, what further need do you have for knowledge or skills?

Sex Ed

I never liked The Wonder Years. I the problem had to do with the pain of self-realization. I was right about the age of the characters and didn’t like my life being shown up for the total uncoolness it really was.

However, there was one scene that I have always loved, and I share it with you now. It pertains to the wonder of sex ed, and the resolution of the great mystery of gym coach’s unmarried status. Enjoy.

April Fool Rankings

The Top 50 Biblioblog rankings are out. It seems I’ve slipped a bit out of the Top 10.

I feel the urge to chastise you for this, because as an INTJ I know it can’t be my fault. The burden must fall to the shoulders of my readers. However, In the spirit of humility which I am attempting to cultivate, I will simply try to do better this month. I promise to try to post about sex, homosexuality, inerrancy, and women in the church at least 4 times per week. And thus, appeasing your thirst for controversy, I will regain what has been lost.

Starting tomorrow…

Photo Caption Winner!

We had a fabulous photo caption contest this week. Thanks to all for your stirring, entertaining entries.

Not only did the picture stir marvelous one-liners, it also sparked some thoughtful theology, a few songs, and even its very own blog post. I regret to inform the more pious among you that I decided to go with humor and cleverness rather than profundity and truth. Though if the former produced the latter, all the better.

Once again, the picture:

    Here were your FINALISTS


    At first the Romans thought Jesus was accused of being the King Kong of the Jews
    Christian over compensation.

    Can God create a cross soooo big, that not even Jesus could carry it?

    First Church of the Nephilim

    A monument to Jesus: He was a God among men.

    Beneath the cross of Kirkus I vain would take my stand
    The shadow of a mighty rock within a hipster land
    A home within the Sunsetness
    A rest among the fey
    From the creeping of the noontide fog
    And the burden of the Bay.

    We at Modular Church Constructions Industries are confident that our new 2011 design “Church Inside the Cross” is destined to become a bestseller among congregations looking to upgrade their facilities.

    Jack’s mother had thrown out the Beans of the True Cross he had swapped for the family cow

    Are you sure this is what the professor wanted when he asked for more concrete examples of the cross as manifest in contemporary society?

    Hello, Jimmy. Since you’ve been looking at that stuff on the Internet, the cross you’ll have to carry just got a little bigger!

And now, your WINNER

“At first the Romans thought Jesus was accused of being the King Kong of the Jews”

Well done, Jeremy. May you continue to prosper in your gift of humor that gives life to us all.

I wish to thank the Common English Bible for unwittingly supporting this contest. Jeremy will be sent a copy of this exciting new translation which nowhere in the NT version mentions Nephilim or King Kong.