Sex Ed
I never liked The Wonder Years. I the problem had to do with the pain of self-realization. I was right about the age of the characters and didn’t like my life being shown up for the total uncoolness it really was.
However, there was one scene that I have always loved, and I share it with you now. It pertains to the wonder of sex ed, and the resolution of the great mystery of gym coach’s unmarried status. Enjoy.
Not so addicted
James McGrath is more addicted to blogging than I am.
Created by OnePlusYou – Take your test here and get plugged into free online dating–what a deal…
(FYI: I did not go for the online dating part of this…)
April Fool Rankings
The Top 50 Biblioblog rankings are out. It seems I’ve slipped a bit out of the Top 10.
I feel the urge to chastise you for this, because as an INTJ I know it can’t be my fault. The burden must fall to the shoulders of my readers. However, In the spirit of humility which I am attempting to cultivate, I will simply try to do better this month. I promise to try to post about sex, homosexuality, inerrancy, and women in the church at least 4 times per week. And thus, appeasing your thirst for controversy, I will regain what has been lost.
Starting tomorrow…
Photo Caption Winner!
We had a fabulous photo caption contest this week. Thanks to all for your stirring, entertaining entries.
Not only did the picture stir marvelous one-liners, it also sparked some thoughtful theology, a few songs, and even its very own blog post. I regret to inform the more pious among you that I decided to go with humor and cleverness rather than profundity and truth. Though if the former produced the latter, all the better.
Once again, the picture:
Here were your FINALISTS
At first the Romans thought Jesus was accused of being the King Kong of the Jews
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Christian over compensation.
Can God create a cross soooo big, that not even Jesus could carry it?
First Church of the Nephilim
A monument to Jesus: He was a God among men.
Beneath the cross of Kirkus I vain would take my stand
The shadow of a mighty rock within a hipster land
A home within the Sunsetness
A rest among the fey
From the creeping of the noontide fog
And the burden of the Bay.
We at Modular Church Constructions Industries are confident that our new 2011 design “Church Inside the Cross” is destined to become a bestseller among congregations looking to upgrade their facilities.
Jack’s mother had thrown out the Beans of the True Cross he had swapped for the family cow
Are you sure this is what the professor wanted when he asked for more concrete examples of the cross as manifest in contemporary society?
Hello, Jimmy. Since you’ve been looking at that stuff on the Internet, the cross you’ll have to carry just got a little bigger!
And now, your WINNER
“At first the Romans thought Jesus was accused of being the King Kong of the Jews”
submitted by Jeremy!
Well done, Jeremy. May you continue to prosper in your gift of humor that gives life to us all.
I wish to thank the Common English Bible for unwittingly supporting this contest. Jeremy will be sent a copy of this exciting new translation which nowhere in the NT version mentions Nephilim or King Kong.
New Bible Translation
Of late we have been graced with several new Bible translations.
The NIV 2011 has updated the evangelical favorite, incorporating a number of changes that the now-defunct TNIV had made.
The Common English Bible (CEB) produced a new translation for what seems to be a mainline Christian crowd.
And just yesterday my attention was drawn to an even more recent translation project, directed toward those whose social location is defined, more or less, by the phrase “I can haz cheeseburger?”
Yes, the lol cats bible translation project, launched in 2007, has now borne fruit in the brand new LOL Cat Bible.
Having just learned of this yesterday, I haven’t had time to do a full perusal of the translational and theological impulses behind it.
It looks like they have gone with the subjective genitive rather consistently. Moreover, I find a disturbing amount of theological simplification–perhaps what one expects in a Bible directed toward grammatically incompetent felines.
Here’s Romans 3:21-26:
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21 But nao we knowz about goodness comin from Ceiling Cat. Teh Law an teh profettz tellded us about it.22 We get dis goodness thru beleevin in Jebus.23 Evribodi haz maded Invisible Errors an iznint as good as Ceiling Cat,24 but we can go to teh ceilin enniwai bcz Jebus died to taek awai our Invisible Errors.25 Ceiling Cat did thingz dis wai on purpus,26 to show how niec he iz.
This certainly cuts the Gordian Knot of the text, but one wonders whether important nuance is lost in the broad language of expiation employed here.
Also, I note in my spot-checking that the gender-exclusive language of “brothers” is chosen, raising serious questions about how female cats and the cisgendered, androgynous, spayed, and neutered readers will respond to the text.
Similarly, the conservative theological impulses are reflected in Romans 16, where Phoebe is a “helper”, and the apostleship of Junia is buried beneath a reminiscence of past mischief.
In all, it seems that in terms of reaching a new people group, the translation is a success, but in terms of theological depth and hermeneutical sophistication, as well as other points of connecting with a contemporary audience, the translation leaves much to be desired.
Mounce and Grommets
It’s o.k.
I know what happened.
And I understand.
In seminary (or undergrad) you were forced to take Greek when… lo and behold! you enjoyed it. And by “enjoyed,” of course, I mean that you got As in your courses.
And your fate was sealed.
What is someone with As in Greek going to do besides be a New Testament scholar? The world is before you!
But…
The Greek at which you excelled was the Greek of Mounce.
Mounce of many blessed gifts.
Mounce of reading the NT as quickly as possible.
And, Mounce of “you don’t need to know anything about Greek accents.”
Here is where I have some bad news for many of you. And I hate to be the one to bring it. But here goes: if you want to be a NT scholar, or someone who ever uses Greek in written communication such as a term paper or article, you’re going to have to move beyond Mounce and start figuring out those little grommets.
Today, as my gift to you, I have but two pieces of accent advice, and send you off to discover the other wonders of the Greek accent system on your own.
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1. No Greek word, standing on its own, should have more than one accent.
2. No Greek word, standing on its own, should have a grave accent.
Why are these things important to know? Because these are the times when cutting from your Bible software and pasting into the body of your paper can introduce an error because you’re removing the Greek word from the context in which its accent was determined.
On point 1.
Let’s say that you’re dealing with Mark 10:35, James and John’s request of Jesus:
θέλομεν ἵνα ὅ ἐὰν αἰτήσωμέν σε ποιήσῃς ἡμῖν
If you want to talk about the second verb, you might be tempted to cut and paste this into your paper: αἰτήσωμέν. But the reason that the second accent is there is because the verb is supporting the pronoun σε which does not carry its own.
So, if you want to talk about αἰτήσωμεν on its own, you should drop the second accent.
Now what about the grave thing?
The reason that Greek words end in a grave accent (`) is because a word that, on its own, would have had an acute (´) on the final syllable is followed by another word in the same sentence that does not depend on the word for its accent. Got it?
So, back to the Greek sentence above, you’ll notice the phrase ὅ ἐὰν αἰτήσωμέν σε. If you want to talk about the “if” particle, I know what you’re going to want to do. You’re going to want to cut and paste ἐὰν.
Resist this temptation with every fiber of your being.
A Greek word standing alone will not have a grave accent. Change it to an acute: ἐάν.
When my eye sees the acute, it knows that it can rest. It need not look beyond the word for another word to come.
So what I’m saying is this: Mounce is fantastic at getting you off and running with your Greek. But if you want to be able to write something using Greek from the New Testament there is a bit more to be done in order to display your facility and competence with the language.
So for the love of all that’s holy, please learn your accent rules.
Self-Flagellation
I am indebted to Michael Bird for alerting me to what is definitely the greatest comment yet made in review of my work, and perhaps rates somewhere in the top 100 comments ever made in an academic book review.
Jane Heath of the University of Aberdeen writes:
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Kirk’s passionate chronicle of the evils of some Reformation emphases in exegesis of Romans may be somewhat one-sided self-flagellations of his own church tradition. Yet his monograph is very welcome for both its exegetical and systematic insights, which provide a new and useful vantage point for the scholarly endeavour as it continues to stand under the long shadow of the sixteenth century. (ExpT 122(4): 202-3)
“Self-flagellations”?! Outstanding!
In all seriousness, the review does a very nice job of dealing with a short space in which to communicate the point and tenor of the book. Thanks for the good work, Jane. (You know? Jane Heath also happens to be the maiden name of my mother-in-law… Very disorienting…)
Kirk in Enterprise
Since departing SBL in Atlanta on Tuesday, I’ve been in the celebrated home of what may be the only monument to a pest in the contiguous United States: Enterprise, Alabama, home of the Boll Weevil Monument.
I love being out in what is more or less the middle of nowhere. What do I mean by “middle of nowhere”? 
Picture in your mind arriving in a new place and pulling out your PDA. You use a Google search to find the nearest Starbucks. Disheartened, you behold that the nearest option is 13 miles and 29 minutes away.
Half an hour. From Starbucks. (Fortunately, the local Walgreens has pre-ground Starbucks in bags, some sort of the deliverance from Folgers I longed for.)
But I digress.
I like being in the middle of nowhere. I enjoy having a few days in which the sound of a car engine is a reason to look and wonder rather than the constant soundtrack filling the air.
I enjoy going outside in the evening and trying to explain to my 3 year old that no, those really are stars, not airplane lights.
I enjoy walking along the road and noting that when you go from one house to another here on County Road 541 (seriously, that’s where my wife’s grandparents live) the house numbers go up by increments of 40 or 60.
I also notice that as I walk around I like to envision what could be. I imagine buying a lot and doing something with it. I envision buying an old house with overgrown yard and fixing it up.
I do the same when I’m in the city.
I walk around a crappy neighborhood or see a run-down house or an empty lot and I start imagining what could be.
From somewhere deep down inside the desire to posses melds with an inveterate vision for what could be.
And I wonder how much is simple covetousness, and how much is some sort of holy impulse to be a co-creator with God, to bring improvement to the fallow and redemption to the broken.
Probably, there will always be a mixture of both. I will always desire, always want what my neighbor has, want what is not and will never be mine. But hopefully, the desire to possess and exploit will be overcome by the desires to give, restore, free, cultivate, and redeem.
But if you ever catch me trying to build a skyscraper on Coffee County Road 541, feel free to call me on it.






