Tag Archive - sex

Hope, Resurrection, Posture

On Sunday, I posted some thoughts about hope–Christian hope as resurrection hope, followed yesterday by some reflections on the significance of Jesus’ full humanity.

Taking hold of the far-reaching implications of Jesus’ restoration project is something I continually harp on because it can play an important role in transforming the posture with which we hold the gospel.

My experience within evangelical Christian circles has often been one in which followers of Jesus envision themselves as the small, minority truth-holders, struggling to cling to what it right, and ever cautious and even fearful about fully engaging in other “worlds” that might be tainted by godlessness, or liberalism, or the like (since those to are “alike,” right?! *ahem*).

Image: markuso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Last night I had the opportunity to participate on a panel that was responding to questions posed by a group of college students. We fielded questions such as, “What are Christians supposed to do about evolution, especially science majors?” “What should Christians think about environmentalism?” “What about people who never hear the message of Jesus?”

The questions are important ones in many respects. But the overall sense I got from the questions was that Christian faith is a small fortress to be guarded carefully. And I wondered if we didn’t need to start reimagining a capacious vision of the reign of God as our gospel.

I think the problem of a small, carefully guarded fortress starts early. In youth group we learn that the gospel means: (1) Jesus died for your sins; (2) you shouldn’t sleep with your boyfriend or girlfriend; and (3) drinking is bad.

There’s not much good news in that, except in the hope that if you can control your hormones you get to be with Jesus drinking grape juice one day.

But what if we begin, instead, with, “God was, in Christ Jesus, reconciling all things to himself”?

Then the world of nature and science does not stand as a looming threat to our faith, but as a witness to the breadth of the saving care of God.

Then the preservation of the environment becomes not merely a fleeting liberal hobby-horse, but a crucial pillar in the eternal plan of God. You think you care about the environment? Well, you’ve got nothing on the creator.

Maybe even questions about sex and sexuality can be received, gratefully, as gifts, rather than fearful lands to be trod, if at all, with extreme caution.

Paul talks about the reception of the Spirit as a transforming moment that moves us from slavish fear to the freedom of the glory of the children of God. It moves us into the realm where we know ourselves to be members of God’s family and instruments in the turning of the ages.

Posture, it seems to me, is as important as details. If we cannot posture ourselves with arms wide open to the cosmos that God has reconciled to himself, then we are not so positioned as to come to faithful answers to the questions that plague us. And we might not even be in the position to be plagued by the right questions.

The End of Sexual Identity

Once upon a time I was in the practice of saying that the church has something wonderful for GLBT people–the same thing it has for folks who consider themselves heterosexual; namely, that your sexuality is not the most important thing you have to say about yourself.

Your sexuality is a part of who you are, but you are more than the complex of desires, experiences, abuses, successes, fulfillments, frustrations, satisfactions, brokenness, wholeness, sinfulness, and fidelity that pertain to your sexuality.

Jenell William Paris thinks that an uncritical acceptance of the notion of sexual identity is at the core of the church’s problems in its thinking about sex. In her book, The End of Sexual Identity, Paris uses her training as an anthropologist to help us step back and see that the ways we so easily fall into talking and thinking about sexuality are culturally conditioned. And in this case, the church has too readily adopted our culture rather than creatively developing a more healthy and holy Christian counter-culture.

In laying out the problems with sexual identity, Paris begins with the troubles with heterosexuality.

There are several problems with the idea of heterosexuality. One of these is that it presumes a binary of homosexual / heterosexual, whereas the range of human sexual desire falls along a continuum with several intermediate stages between.

A further problem is that this binary has a particular function. It was created, in the past one hundred years, as a way to distinguish what was labelled “deviant” behavior from “normal” desires and behavior. Thus, it was created to be a label that communicates moral superiority.

This last point has a further implication: the idea of “being” homosexual or “being” heterosexual is new–and is therefore an anachronistic grid for reading scripture. More importantly, it elevates an identity based on sexual feelings to a place that scripture assigns to our belovedness by God.

Who are you? The answer to this question should not be, “heterosexual,” and therefore beloved of and faithful to God; instead, it should be, “beloved of God.” Once we cling to heterosexuality as our identity marker, we then create communities where this is required to the extent that we are not able to tell honest stories of struggle–or of grace.

The book offers a pervasive dismantling of simplistic assumptions about sexuality. In her chapter on homosexuality, Paris reminds us that there are different ways to configure homosexual activity. Though we base the label on desire for a same-sex relationship among equals, in the ancient world there were age and power dynamics that sustained homosexual activity; others who engage in same-sex sex might do so for professional reasons: in some cultures religious reasons in others as professional entertainers or prostitutes.

In place of sexual identity, Paris advocates that we strive for sexual holiness within our fundamental identity as God’s beloved children. Sexual holiness will wrestle with issues of behavior, desire, hopes, histories, choices, relationships, and others as well.

With such a reconfiguration, we are faced with two important outcomes: (1) sexual identity does not become an identity marker for the people of God such that we exclude, include, divide, and the like based on the category of sexual desire; and (2) we are freed to respond to one another, and grow in community together, as people who are all in some ways more and in some ways less healthy, holy, broken, whole, sinful, and faithful in different aspects of our sexuality.

Put differently: if we could stop acting like calling ourselves “heterosexual” meant that we were sexually whole and holy, our sexuality could become a growing and more healthy component of our identity as God’s beloved children in Christ.

Who should read this book? Pretty much everyone. If I were a campus minister, I would read this with my leadership groups, and then have my small groups study it. I think all youth pastors should read this so that they can start thinking about how to transform the minds of their students. I think all pastors should read this so that they can help their churches avoid the pitfalls of reifying notions of identity that cut against the grain of biblical descriptions of identity and wholeness.

I think you should read this so that you can help me continue to think through the issues Paris raises and how her insights clear the way for a better way forward as Christians who celebrate sex as a gift given to us by God and yet have found it very difficult to integrate sexuality into our understanding of our selves as those beloved children of God who were created good, but have fallen, and are now being restored in Christ.

Let’s Talk About Sex?

Yesterday the woman across the aisle from me on Southwest Airlines flight 362 was reading Cosmo. The page she was reading was all about sex.

Then she turned the page.

And that page was all about sex.

And so was the next.

And the next.

And the next.

After watching her flip through her primer on sex for the hour long flight (I, of course, was dutifully engrossed in a book on the Catholic Epistles) I was dismayed. After giving it careful thought for those 42 minutes, I decided that Cosmo was basically the equivalent of porn, but geared toward women rather than men. I was also on the verge of deciding that just as I would not want my daughter to marry some dude who looks at porn all the time, so I would not want my son to marry some chick who reads Cosmo.

But then I had to stand around for 7 minutes waiting for a shuttle to my rental car, so I gave the matter some further thought.

In particular, I started wondering where else people might go to talk about sex. Are there healthy and helpful venues for having discussions about sexuality as something that’s larger than the time we spend with someone else in bed? about differences in ways that men and women tend to experience and think about sex (even if stereotyped and not across the board true, these are often helpful starting points if we don’t get stuck in them)? about …. about… about… ?

And, in particular, are there good places for these conversations where people can speak honestly and struggle honestly even while striving to live within something like the parameters of a traditional Christian sexual ethic?

I’m guessing that there aren’t a lot of good answers to this question. When we talked about sex here a few weeks ago one of the voiced frustrations was that the only times Christians talk about sex is when we are telling you who you can and can’t sleep with–not so helpful, and not conducive to creating people who are holistically aware of themselves and devoted to God as beings that are not only physical and spiritual and emotional and relational and mental but also sexual.

So that’s my question for you: what have (and have not) been helpful places to engage and/or absorb conversations about sex, especially as a Christian?

I’m looking for some help here, because otherwise I’m going to have to get a subscription to Cosmo.

More Sex (Pt 3): The Sacrament of Sex

A few weeks ago I started posting some thoughts on sex (More Sex, pt. 1, More Sex, pt. 2). In particular, I set out to start forming an answer to the question, Why does sex have to occur within marriage in order to be ethically good from a Christian perspective?

Here is the summary answer I gave in part 2:

    Because at its best, sex is a physical expression of an enduring social, emotional, economic, familial oneness, all of which express the love, faithfulness, hope, and self-control that are the fruit of the Spirit, the embodiment of Christ’s cruciform love for us, and God’s gift as the lavishly faithful God of His/Her people.

I’m starting here as a way of approaching how sex is to be an embodiment of the story of God, especially as the story of God is epitomized in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

I do not want to turn the relationship of God with the church, or Christ with the church, into an allegory. However, given that we are working consciously within a Christian framework, the givenenss of how God has, in fact, related to his people in Christ establishes a way things are that could, in theory, be attained in other ways.

Why demand sex within marriage, given the ideal of sex as expressing such oneness, manifesting the selfless love of Jesus and fruit of the Spirit? Because marriage creates the relationship in which these things can be said truthfully.

Part of the problem with our sense of marriage is that we have lost a sense that anything actually happens there. In our society, it’s more of a binging of family and friends into the celebration of a relationship that already exists.

But marriage is a covenant-making ceremony that actually changes the way we are related to each other. “I now pronounce you husband and wife” is a performative word that actually accomplishes what it says, so that it is true after though not before.

Why is such a tranformation of relationship, into man-wife oneness, important for a Christian view of marriage? I’ll keep working this out in future posts, but here want to draw attention to the connection Paul draws between sexual oneness and our oneness with Christ.

What it means to be “saved” is to be united to Christ by faith, Spirit, and baptism. We are members of Christ’s body, we are “in Christ.”

This is the reason that Paul tells Christians that what they do sexually matters for their faith. Sex with someone outside of Christ amputates a member of Christ in favor of this other illicit union; sex outside of Christ brings the Holy Spirit into that union as well.

When Paul says that marriage is ok, but only “in the Lord,” the reason is that “the Lord” is the space we all occupy together as Christians, we are in Christ’s body, and to marry outside of that is to hold together two incompatible unions.

So why doesn’t this just mean that Christians can have sex with whomever they please , so long as the other person is also in Christ?

Because the seriousness of the covenantal oneness, a relationship established by the covenant-making ceremony and confirmed and recreated by the sacraments and worship, pertains not only to the way believers should be exclusively Christ’s but also how they should be exclusively one another’s in sex.

That is to say, the story is not merely about how we relate to God or are “in Christ” as individuals. The story is also about how we renarrative the story of Christ and salvation in him in our relationships with one another. Marriage is analogous to the covenant by which God creates relationship with his people, and sex like the sacrament that simultaneously affirms and recreates that relational oneness.

Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, because we all partake of the one bread. Sacrament creates and recreates oneness: with both Christ and one another.

Sex performs this same function–and is intended, in this narrative, to reaffirm and recreate the relational oneness declared when the covenant is formed.

More Sex (Part 2)

I want to thank everyone who jumped into the conversation on the first leg of this series (More Sex, Part 1). Your comments there have helped inform my own, and kept me from making more blunders than those that remain!

The goal in these posts is to answer the question: “Why does sex have to occur within marriage to be considered ethically ‘good’”?

As I answer this question, I have Barth on the brain, and his reflections on the theological precursors to answering questions in particular. And so I want to say at the outset that this is a self-consciously Christian endeavor. And, this is an attempt to describe something like a Christian theology of sex.

Because this is an attempt to describe something like a Christian theology of sex, what I say here will inevitably sound idealistic and unattainable. Whenever we make claims or articulate God’s vision for God’s world, even if we were to articulate a divine purpose with full perfection, we will only be able to see this as our reality as though reflected back through a dim and cloudy mirror.

Articulating a theology of sex, I find myself compelled to walk the line of cultural relevance without necessarily saying something that will ring true with people’s experience–in part because the Christian vision of sex will always not only affirm who we are and what we’ve done but also highlight the ways that we have failed and stand in need of forgiveness, and therefore call us to God to receive both forgiveness and healing.

That dynamic of bringing all areas of our lives under the sway of the resurrected Christ for freedom, healing, forgiveness, and purification, is part of the larger narrative to which that part of us that is sexual belongs.

So I fully anticipate that some of you will respond to what I’m laying out here with something along the lines of, “But the sex I had while married communicated none of those things to me, whereas the sex I’ve had outside of marriage often was those things.” Even sex (or not sex) is a matter of faith and hope in addition to love, and so we will not see or experience clearly everything that might typify sex in a fully redeemed world.

Why, then, sex only within a marriage relationship?

Because at its best, sex is a physical expression of an enduring social, emotional, economic, familial oneness, all of which express the love, faithfulness, hope, and self-control that are the fruit of the Spirit, the embodiment of Christ’s cruciform love for us, and God’s gift as the lavishly faithful God of His/Her people.

I will unpack that paragraph in future episodes.

For now, here is why I have put the matter in this way:

    1. I believe that who the Spirit is making us determines the imperatives for the people of God in a way that our natural desires and inclinations does not. Our calling is to make straight the line between our eschatological, perfect future and our mixed-up, less-than-perfect present.
    2. I believe that the idealism, if you would call it that, of faithfulness and self control, as inseparable aspects of the fruit of the Spirit, too often sit on the sidelines in discussions of healthy Christian sex.
    3. I believe that the determining story for Christian virtue is the story of Christ-crucified, and that this narrative speaks strongly to both sexual abstinence and to selfless sexual practice.
    4. I believe that physical, sexual oneness is one aspect of a holistically healthy relationship that reflects this narrative across all of its dynamics–and at its best tells this story to our partner, (re)creating and affirming the life-long oneness we have promised to each other.
    5. I believe that both in the disciplined, patient waiting for a spouse and in the cultivating of sexual fidelity within the marriage relationship we are imitating the God who faithfully endures and waits and persists with God’s people and cultivates a relationship of persistent fidelity even in the face of our persistent wandering.

Storying sex is about much more than listing what’s right and wrong; it’s figuring out how our sex is cast in the narrative that, in all its parts, intends to tell the story of the saving righteousness of God. This is the outline of why I think that is best done in the marriage covenant. I’ll work out more in the next post.

More Sex (Pt 1)

This week we hosted a fun, at times raucous and always wonderful dinner (thanks to the chef). The five guests were Twitter friends and Christians.

Most of them also run in decidedly more liberal theological circles than I do, which brought up the question that I want to start chipping away at today–the question of sex.

But before I do, I want to underscore that this difference between us made the evening challenging and thought provoking in a way that makes me thankful for my friends to my left (i.e., the friends on my Twitter feed!). What ensues is a reflection that I hope will be continuing a conversation among friends–even if friends who disagree.

The person in whose honor this festive gathering was held had been asked something along the lines of, “*gulp* Why are you going to dinner at the house of a Fuller professor?!” And I hope that the ready answer to that for her and the other folks there would be something like, “Because even though we disagree about some important things, he still respects me as a friend and as a fellow traveler trying to find the way in which to faithfully follow Jesus.” That’s definitely what I sense from all of them as well.

So, without further ado, the question. In response to my rather old school view that sexual intercourse should be reserved for marriage, I was asked why.

Why does sex have to take place within marriage to be considered ethically good?

As I start to answer that question, please note that I have circumscribed the issue to sexual intercourse. In response to an earlier post, some folks were concerned that I hadn’t given due attention to the fact that we are still sexual people in numerous ways even when not having sexual intercourse per se. That point is well made, and has some significant implications. But for now, I’m setting that aside.

The person who asked me the question about why sex has to happen within marriage to be ethically good also expressed some frustration with Christians pulling out “biblical” as an adjective to baptize their views on any number of things–including sexuality. And I take her point. If someone wanted to give a “biblical” view of marriage or sex, there are any number of things you could say that most of us would find incongruous with what is “good” or down right reprehensible.

Thus, for example, few Christians look to the great heroes of the Old Testament as providing us with divine sanction to take multiple spouses. What my brother and good friend referred to as “the dispensation of multiple wives” does not strike most of us as carrying normative force in the present. But if you wanted to argue for a “biblical” view of marriage, you could make just this sort of argument.

To take another, not insignificant, example, the marriage law and practices we see reflected in the Bible reflect a view of women as property and/or as under the complete control of their male guardians. Girls had value as potential brides that was significantly diminished by having sex before the wedding night. Fathers were assumed to have the right to keep their daughters from marrying if, for example, they thought that Jesus might come back in a year or so and that there wasn’t much point.

Up against such elements of cultural embeddedness, is there any point in trying to articulate a Christian view of sexuality that somehow looks to scripture as setting the trajectory for loving God with all our sex?

I don’t think it’s a lost cause, but before I start building the case tomorrow and over the weekend, I’d honestly like to hear from you: on what basis do we build a Christian theology of sex? and is there any hope for a biblical theology of sex that makes sense in a 21st-century context?

I think that this basic introductory question is, in the end, where the disagreements over the substance of a Christian theology of sex will have to be engaged.

God and Sex

Sometimes I do get worried that Christians are too uppity about sex. I worry that too often we look to who you are or aren’t having sex with as the defining factor of your faithfulness to the gospel message.

Reading through the Jesus narratives in particular, I find that he seemed to care about a number of other markers of fidelity to himself and the God of Israel, and in addition that sins of sexual commission were less likely to keep someone from the Kingdom of God than sins of religious power abuse, hypocrisy and the like.

But then there I go reading through Acts, and there’s this huge meeting in Jerusalem to figure out what the non-Jews have to do if they want to be faithful adherents to the way of Jesus. No, they don’t have to bear the unbearable yoke of Torah. No, they don’t have to become Jews by practice and ethnic affiliation. No, they don’t have to be circumcised.

What, then, will mark out the non-Jewish adherents of The Way if not the Law of God?

In essence: refraining from participation in idolatrous worship. And being sexually pure. No meat sacrificed to idols, and refraining from sexual immorality.

Perhaps I oversimplify. They are also to stay away from blood and strangled meat. If I may be permitted to riff a bit on this conglomeration, using other NT writers, the early church is depicted here as having a concern with how we are joined to the lives of gods, of other people, and of animals.

Having received life from the true and living God, we do not feed on the life-giving stuff marked out by and for other gods. We do not drink the life of animals and so become unnaturally one with them. We do not join ourselves to anyone other than a spouse because we are joined to them by physical union, and to the church by our union with Christ.

And, refusing to be profligately joined to other people in sexual unions marks the people of the Jesus way as distinct from the outside world. Though we err when we seem to make this a sufficient condition for Christian piety, it is a necessary one–and one that distinguished ancient Christians from the world around them as much as it would distinguish us from the world around us if we had the courage to live up to it.

So I will not be able to join the chorus of those who say that God is not so petty as to be concerned with what goes on behind our closed bedroom doors. Much the opposite, I will need to say that because the creation is good, because sex is good and sex is a gift, God cares tremendously about how we use it.

And walking in sexual purity is one defining marker of the people of God.

Craigslist Sex Ads Pulled

An article from the Associated Press indicates that Craigslist has recently taken down its “Adult Services” Ads.

This is a very big deal.

Unfortunately, it’s not a big deal for the reasons being given about why it had to be done and why they did, in fact, do it.

The reason it’s really a big deal is that sex trafficking is a huge problem in the U.S. (and in San Francisco, the home of Craig and his List in particular), and Craigslist has become a major source of buying and selling of women and children.

Craigslist keeps talking like it’s the victim of unfair enforcement. They appeal to other sites that run ads that can easily be seen as prostitution. And really, that’s the lingering cloud over the whole thing. The point is that Craigslist has facilitated one of the most egregious, on-going human rights violations being perpetrated in the U.S. Even if there’s technically nothing illegal or less legal than the next guy, Craig should shut down what has become a major artery in the human trafficking pipeline.

Good for them for taking it down. Shame on them for fighting to keep it up.

Hip Christianity

Yesterday’s post on Brett McCracken’s Wall Street Journal article created some good conversations both online and off. These got me thinking about the question of relevance, or appeal to contemporary culture.

What I found missing in McCracken’s assessment of current movements, as he dismissed them all as being beholden to contemporary culture in a manner unbecoming of the pure gospel of Jesus, is any awareness of the culture-bound nature of everything. And this includes the gospel of Jesus itself.

But more than this, when assessing contemporary attempts at rearticulating the gospel, I think it is important to take into account that we are aware of the category of “culture” in a way that earlier eras were not. When the Reformers wanted to decentralize church authority away from the Pope and offer the liturgy in the vernacular of the people, these were not simply theological judgments, they were also reflections of a rising regionalism and nationalism. The very act of translating the liturgy from Latin into German or translating the Bible into English is an accommodation to culture.

The basic point is simply that everything we do is tied in some way to our culture. And this is not a bad thing. The creation of “systematic theology” is due to a certain cultural location (if you don’t believe me, try to find a Jewish systematic theology). The use of the word euangelion (good news) is due to a certain cultural location and carried overtones that “Jesus died so God might forgive my particular sins” almost never conveys to modern ears.

Culture is not bad. We all do things based on culture. But the danger is when we start looking at the culture we’re comfortable with and start considering that it is not only normal but also normative.

When I see someone critiquing Emergent for simply wanting to be cool, or critiquing books with “sex” in the title assimply trying to be provocative, what I see going on is someone who doesn’t understand how deeply contextualized his own assessment of Christian normalcy is. Traditional Christian culture is its own culture, with roots in various Eurpean and American movements that gave birth to its current incarnations.

And this is where Emergent was and often still continues to be helpful. Even when “it” does not give the right answer, it is asking the right question; namely, what does it look like to faithfully follow Jesus in a society that is increasingly “post-modern” rather than “modern”?

Two points here. First, we have a responsibility to ask this question because we now know that culture affects everything we do. We are realizing that articulating the gospel so that it makes sense for a certain people is not simply the calling of the foreign missionary, but what each of us are doing either wittingly or unwittingly every time we tell the story.

Hipster on Fixie

So, we can either intentionally ask the question, “How do we articulate the gospel in a way that makes sense for our world?” Or we will fall into one of two traps: either getting carried away by our culture to articulate the gospel in ways that it wants to hear without realizing what we’re doing or continuing to speak the gospel so that it only makes sense within the sub-culture of the church. I don’t think that McCracken’s advocacy of the latter is salutary for the church.

Secondly, the people who are asking this question aren’t simply cool urbanites. The people asking this question are folks from all sorts of social settings for whom the church shaped by modernity does not work anymore. When I am at Emergent Conversations, I am always surprised at the number of people I meet who are from rural or small town settings. Often they are there with one or two other people from their church, a covert group of people finding life in following Jesus in new and challenging ways–which ways are neither advocated nor approved of by the old guard who zealously keep watch over the citadels of yesteryear.

Does Christianity need to be “hip”? No, but it needs to be self-aware. To be simultaneously culturally relevant and calling people to a counter-cultural movement is the essence of following Jesus.

This is the same Jesus who came proclaiming that God’s military victory had arrived (Proclaiming the euangelion that the reign of God had drawn near) to a people who had been promised that they would crush the gentiles in military assault (Judah will be the sword in my hand against the Greeks!)–and who roundly rebuked them for not recognizing that Kingdom Come is the fruit of self-giving, redeeming love.

Culturally relevant? To its core.

What the people wanted or expected? Not at all.

Our calling is not to ignore culture and thereby proclaim something that was good news to 19th century Christendom dwellers, but to know the time and place to which we have been called and speak an apt word of reconciliation and repentance.

The Perils of Ignorant Critique

In Friday’s Wall Street Journal there was an article by Brett McCracken entitled, “The Perils of ‘Wannabe Cool’ Christianity.”

It’s not often that I see a Baker press author turning his book (Hipster Christianity) into a mainstream media editorial, so I was intrigued to see what the article would say. I left hoping that the book McCracken has written shows more awareness of the issues he purports to be discussing than this article does.

McCracken describes “emergent” as an attempt to “rebrand Christianity as hip, countercultural, relevant”. At best, this is a thin assessment at worst, it is completely false. Emergent did arise out of cultural awareness, but recognizing that culture is shifting from modernity to postmodernity, and striving to articulate the gospel accordingly, is not the same thing as trying to be hip and relevant.

Indeed, it is hard to imagine a worse description of Emergent than “to rehabilitate Christianity’s image and make it ‘cool’”.

The article later goes on to accuse any Christian who has talked or written about sex of using shock tactics. So Lauren Winner’s Real Sex is nothing other than a way to shock people and look cool by talking about sex in a Christian setting.

And all this from a person who has written a book called Hipster Christianity–if the article is any reflection of what McCracken means by “Hipster,” he doesn’t even understand the word used in the title. He means “Hip” Christianity. (Next time, you might check out the definition of your “movement”on Wikipedia–you’d end up with better data.)

I can only hope that this article is a mulligan and that the book shows actual awareness of the movements he thinks he’s critiquing rather than rumors, hearsay, and other misrepresentations to make McCracken’s own positions look better.

I’ll have a follow-up on this tomorrow, dealing with the larger question that I think is behind McCracken’s critique: what does Christianity have to do with contemporary culture?

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